Posted 6/8/05

Jason Giambi helped the Yankees to their 10th straight win by hitting two singles, and one home run in their 6-0 beat down of the mariners. Giambi was quoted as saying, “The bat’s coming through the strike zone a lot freer. I’m not so tied up”. He then said that he was willing to take any drug test as long as it was given to him by Onterrio Smith.

Juan Dixon will testify about steroid use in pro sports before congress later this week. He is looking forward to giving congress some information and some of his insights about the topic. The only problem is that congress wants information about “performance enhancing” drugs, not “performance we got swept, and I still don’t play a lot” drugs.

The PGA announce that it is planning to expand the Asian tour. Did anyone know there was an Asian tour? Apparently the plans to expand the tour are as follows.
1. The number of people on the tour will go from 3 to 5.
2. There will be two windmills and 3 clowns mouth holes on the tour.
3. There will be vendors at the events selling sweet and sour raccoon, fried cat, and hot dogs.
4. The average height of the players will go from 4’8” to…ok that stays the same.

In other golf news, Annika Sorenstam is eyeing the ladies grand slam this year. She’s also eyeing Melissa Etheridge, Ellen Degeneres, Martina Navritilova, and Martin Short.

Boxer Ricardo Williams, a silver medalist at the 2000 Olympics, was sentenced to three years in prison for distributing cocaine. The boxer said he will continue boxing when he gets out of prison, and also said, “There are a lot of people, a lot of kids, that looked up to me”. There were also a lot of people and kids with dialated pupils, running around the block fifteen times trying to sell a VCR for 5 bucks.

Talks between the NBA and labor unions broke off giving signs that a lockout may happen next year for the NBA. Players have already started looking for other jobs. For example:
Tracy McGrady-B-ball coach
Ron Artest-Extreme fighter
Grant Hill-Doctor (so he can get a discount)
Yao Ming-Will play Mickey Mouse at Disney Land
Earl Boykins-Will be kid playing with Mickey Mouse at Disney Land
Steve Nash-“Before” picture model at plastic surgery office
Sean Bradley-Donut maker-finally he can be the one dunking something.