Posted 4/1/06

News... On The March
with Matt Thompson

Veteran singer Tom Jones was recently knighted by British monarch Queen Elizabeth II for services to music. Though it’s not unusual for pop singers to be knighted, it was a rare occurrence when instead of placing a sword on Mr. Jones’ shoulder, the Queen threw her panties.

Friends star Matthew Perry and Sex in the City star Kristin Davis are Hollywood's new 'it' couple, according to new reports. The couple was spotted kissing while dining at Los Angeles restaurant La Dolce Vita recently, where they shared ice-cream and gazed into each other’s eyes. Well, Perry was looking at her, but it’s always hard to tell exactly what she’s looking at. You know, with that whole go-funny eye thing.

Jessica Simpson is taking adoption plans so seriously she has hatched a plan to actually buy a Mexican orphanage. Things may have hit a snag, however, when she discovered the five-bedroom orphanage was housing 345 Mexicans.

Socialite Nicole Richie is fuming after director Kevin Smith told an audience of university students she had drunken sex in a bathroom with former drug addict actor Jason Mewes. Richie doesn’t deny the claim, but instead is wondering why Mewes would ever admit to having sex with her, especially after he made her wear two bags on her head while doing it.

Mom-to-be Katie Holmes is reportedly gearing up for the silent birth of her first child after Scientologists were spotted carrying signs into her home, reminding her to keep quiet during labor. The Scientologists were also carrying signs for Tom, reminding him to stop being a queer.

Screen veteran Paul Newman is backing a bill to protect image and vocal rights for actors. This way actors will have complete control over what their images are used for. Now they will no longer be subjected to endorsing inferior products or starring in movies with Ben Affleck against their will.

Actress Sharon Stone is such a fan of the TV show Huff, she took the writers out to lunch and begged them to create a part for her on the show. She said that she would even reenact her famous scene from Basic Instinct. Producers did write her into the show, but declined on her second offer because they didn’t want to have to rename the show Muff.

A new cell phone has been invented for use by dogs. What’s really exciting about this product is that it will not only have ‘rollover minutes,’ the plans will also contain ‘stay,’ ‘sit’ and ‘play dead’ minutes too.

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